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The Devil's Dictionary

Ambrose Pierce

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

WOMAN, n.

      An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a

  rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by

  many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility

  acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the

  postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion,

  deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld,

  it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all

  beasts of prey, infesting all habitable parts of the globe, from

  Greenland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. The popular

  name (wolfman) is incorrect, for the creature is of the cat kind.

  The woman is lithe and graceful in its movement, especially the

  American variety (felis pugnans), is omnivorous and can be

  taught not to talk.